On Being a Foster Mom part 2

Love is not self-seeking. 
                            1 Corinthians 13:5

That’s what Father God whispers to me when it seems too hard.  When it seems like my heart won’t possibly be able to take it.  When I think that I will never, ever be able to cope when it comes time for this foster child to be taken out of my home and given back to his parents, or to whomever he’ll go to next.
When I start to feel that heaviness in my chest, and worry that the heartache of that experience –  of “giving him back” – that it will be too great a burden to put on my family, then Father God drops this verse in my heart again.  Love is not self-seeking.  And I know that this journey that He’s called us to won’t be free of pain….but simultaneously feel such conviction that living to ensure the absence of pain in my life is not the life I want to live.  And so we choose love and the likelihood of pain over self-protection.
I know this isn’t the answer He would give everyone with that fear; that question that I’m asked nearly daily, “How will you ever give them back?”  But for me, this is the answer that He brings loud and clear: Love is not self-seeking.
There are foster children in this city that need love.  No one questions that fact.  To be able to provide that love, but then refuse it because “it will hurt me when I have to give him back”, would be choosing to protect my own heart at the expense of withholding love from a child.  Choosing “me” over “them.”  For me, to continue to say “I can’t foster because I wouldn’t be able to handle giving them back”, meant I was knowingly and willingly seeking my own self-protection over offering love and hope to a child.   God changed my paradigm, and every time I tried to utter the words, “it would just be too hard to give them back”, my heart translated those words to “making sure I don’t feel hurt or pain is so very important to me, that I will not love these children.”  And that refrain of “it would just hurt me too much” when uttered from my mouth, started to sicken me.  
I choose to love without regard for self.  I do it badly sometimes, with moments of self-pity and fear and worry.  But I forge ahead in my imperfection, and ask God to show me how to love like He does.  I ask Him to help me trust that He will be my comforter and friend in those times of pain.  I worry, “Is this too much of a burden for my children?  Is this unfair?  To let them love and care deeply for a foster child, then experience the pain of no longer having them?”  But I give those worries to Him and trust that He will use this time to teach my children from a very young age that He is a God of comfort and peace that passes understanding.  I pray my children will know that love is always the best choice, even if it hurts.  

10 comments on “On Being a Foster Mom part 2

  1. Dear friend, you are amazing. Thank you for sharing this, as the pain I might endure is what keeps me from so much. I am going to write this on my heart…”love is not self-seeking”.

  2. As I wipe away the tears, I have to tell you that I am blown away by the wisdom expressed in this blog and thank you for sharing your thoughts and beliefs. I, like Allison, will write on my heart that “love is not self-seeking”, but add to that “love is always the best choice, even if it hurts.”
    Your Uncle Skip

  3. As others have said, thank you for your thoughts. Our family is also a foster family ~ two years ago next week we got our first placement ~ and 10 kids later, we are faced with losing our current little one sooner than we anticipated. A family member passed a home study and we’ll go to court in a few weeks where a judge will most likely rule that she be sent there. Thank you for speaking truth to me!!

  4. Wow! I am speechless in the best of ways! Praise God for your heart and for your family. I know your children will grow up a people of impact!

  5. One of the hardest things I have had to do was watch a 3 year old return home. None of us wanted a child that young but he instantly found a home in our hearts. Yes it was a little selfish not wanting him to go. As you said, though, it is not a reason to withhold loving them in the first place.

    1. Me parece una idea preciosa. Y efectiva. Vamos, que muy bonito el cojutnuo.Pnestos a tocar las narices, yo habría hecho el barco como una mancha de tinta en el borde de una de las páginas, a medio hundir más allá. Aunque igual habría sido necesario un enfoque un poco más elevado para que funcionara.Claro que con mi idea lo que no tiraría sería lo de que fuera un barco de papel, que es lo que le da gracia al tuyo. Nada, que muy bueno.

    2. Thanks for the pat on the back for the webinar, Alan. For those who did not see it, the CSA Rebuilt Webinar recording is available and the slides are available .Alan, the specific violation you mention, log violation – general form and manner violation (395.8) is unchanged at 2 severity points in the new methodology. I agree that carriers would be wise to sharpen their focus on driver logs / hours of service items as it looks like the new rules will certainly heighten scrutiny in the Fatigued Driving BASIC.

  6. Hello. I have been fostering a baby girl since she was 3 days old. She is now 9 months and the possibility of having to give her back soon is breaking my heart. I knew that when I accepted to take her into our home, we would have to give her back one day, but I couldn’t refuse to help an innocent baby who needed love…how do I cope with the pain of losing her?


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